Purity Before and After Marriage
Pre-Marital Sexual Purity: The Bible mentions the following relationships (boyfriend – girlfriend relationship not included) between a man and woman: 1. brother and sister, including non-relatives; 2. betrothed engaged); 3. husband and wife. Sexual intimacy or sexual union is pure only in the last relationship; in the other two, it would be sinful.
The betrothed should treat each other as brother and sister as it concerns sexual intimacy and sexual union, so that God’s will is done whether or not their engagement leads to marriage. If you permit sexual intimacy or sexual union, and then for some reason marriage does not take place, how can the two persons part, and live with a good conscience the rest of
their lives? Delaying sexual intimacy util marriage is a small price to pay for living with a pure conscience. What can we say to those who have gone wrong? When we come to the Lord in repentance and humility, He forgives us without condemnation. He does not ask, “why did you sin?” but only says, “go,
and sin no more” (John 8:11).
“Flee fornication,” (1 Cor. 6:18). “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (James 4:7). All other sin is committed outside the body, but when you sin in this area, you sin against your own body. The battle can be intense. If your hatred for sin is equally intense you will receive grace to resist sin “unto blood” (Heb. 12:4). You must flee all that causes temptation. Do certain TV programs cause you temptation? Do some books or magazines cause lustful thoughts? Do certain types of music arouse lust in you? Then flee these as you would flee the fire of hell. Young Joseph fled from the woman who tempted him. Paul wrote to young Timothy to flee from youthful lusts (2 Tim. 2:22; please open your Bible and read verses 20–22). It is certain that if you will not flee, you will not overcome lust, but will be overcome by it. Please ask the Lord: is it pleasing to You that I watch these TV programs? Is it pleasing to You that I read these books and magazines? And, listen to Christ’s words in Matt 5:29: “…if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.” You should flee from lust as from hell fire. Is that not what Jesus meant?
Faith for Victory: Please read attentively Paul’s words in 1 Cor. 9:25-27: “And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible. I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.” I know an older Christian who testifies that these verses kept him from much harm in his youth.
Men, learn from Job and make a covenant with your eyes. What was Job’s covenant? His covenant was not to “look [lustfully] upon a girl” (Job 31:1, The Amplified Bible). Women, may your heart and mind be veiled, and preserved like a garden enclosed, like a spring shut up, and like a fountain sealed, as the bride in Song of Solomon 4:12. The bride of Christ weaves her own wedding gown, which will be found without spot or wrinkle. May you be found among such. Do not allow one thought to come in that would arouse lust. When the door is firmly shut against lust, sin that crouches at the door is mastered (Gen. 4:7, The
Those who overcome “shall be clothed in white raiment” (Rev. 3:5). They are promised a white stone with a new name written on it which no man knows except he who receives it (Rev. 2:17). Thoughts, Intimacies, Physical Contacts Jesus said that even without sexual union, adultery occurs in the heart when one looks at a woman to lust for her (Matt. 5:28). “Watch over your heart with all diligence,” we read (Prov. 4:23, New American Standard). By grace we can be kept from lusting if we abide in godly fear, and are kept by the power of God. A young man and a young woman, though betrothed, would do well to think of themselves as brother and sister, and relate to each other as such in godly fear. The test lies mostly in ‘time alone’ and physical contact. Ask yourselves: what example is being set for the young people in the Church? Would it be proper for other young adults — not betrothed — to have the physical contact and ‘time alone’ you allow for yourselves? There is always a possibility that marriage may not take place, in which case you want to part in peace and with good conscience. Those who keep themselves pure gain tremendous respect from each other, and their eventual union will have the fragrance of innocence and enduring romance.
We wish all young boys and girls could receive this instruction before it is too late for them. The culture around us like a deluge is drowning young people, and there is such an absence of clear, timely, guidance. We need to hear these things clearly taught. Sexual purity both before and after marriage is a matter of utmost importance, having consequences in this life and the life to come. Sexual Purity for the Very Young Intimate body contact between girls and boys (beyond about seven years of age) while playing or working together should be shepherded with care. How much more does this apply to older children and teenagers!
This should apply to members of the same family and relatives as well. We should train our children to respect the bodies of children of the opposite sex, and keep a healthy distance in the fear of God. It is naive to assume that children are sexually insensitive, especially in our television-saturated culture.
Another word of caution for parents: Children sleeping in the same bed — especially boys — could give occasion for harmful sexual experiences. It is good to have them sleep in separate beds. It is also best for boys not to share the same room with girls. These cautions apply to members of the same family also.
Sexual Purity for the Married: “…Let the marriage bed be undefiled” (Heb. 13:4, New American Standard). The husband and wife are to love each other with exclusive love, with no mental image or involvement of any other person defiling their pure love for each other. Then their union is pure, because their thoughts are pure. The desire and prayer in their heart is that God, according to His will, will give them a godly offspring.
Here we repeat a passage from an earlier section: How earnest a husband should be, a wife should be, to preserve this exclusiveness of affections. While in the presence of other women, a husband must have the door of his emotions securely locked (“I made a covenant with mine eyes,” Job 31:1) so that he may preserve his exclusive love for his mate. It is as if he is a father or a brother to other women. A wife, in the presence of other men, would, as it were, rather see than be seen. It is as if she is veiled to other men. It is a demeanor that adorns her face as
an invisible veil, and is her power and her glory. She relates to other men as if she were a mother or a sister to them. For such a couple the exclusive delights of Eden are promised in this earthly life. Difficulties in sex life are to be expected due to circumstances, poor health, and ignorance. But if each spouse is committed to live for the other, and not for oneself, God will give us understanding to work with the difficulties. There is wisdom to be received from faithful older couples, as well as from reading wholesome educational material.
Other Lessons in Christian Family
- Christian Family, Free Online Correspondence Course Introduction
- Christian Family, Free Online Correspondence Course Lesson 1
- Christian Family, Free Online Correspondence Course Lesson 2
- Christian Family, Free Online Correspondence Course Lesson 4
- Christian Family, Free Online Correspondence Course Lesson -- 5
- Christian Family, Free Online Correspondence Course Lesson -- 6
- Christian Family, Free Online Correspondence Course Lesson -- 7
- Christian Family, Free Online Correspondence Course Lesson -- 8
- Christian Family, Free Online Correspondence Course Lesson -- 9
- Christian Family, Free Online Correspondence Course Historical Notes
- Christian Family, Free Course, Tests